Every now and then some very important questions work their way to the surface in the midst of heated conversation. As I have been involved with Christian communities in conversations about sexuality and LGBTQ issues in particular, I have heard three questions that I think need to be answered. I wonder if two of them might get at “the question behind the question” for each side.
Yes, I know that we have to talk about the Bible. And we do. But sometimes when we take a step back we realize that there is something else driving the conversation, or an important piece of the puzzle that’s not being taken into account.
(1) Is there a distinctive Christian sexual ethic?
I think we all need to sit patiently with this question, especially as it is raised by traditionalists on questions of sexuality. Last week I asked the question of why homosexuality, per se, is a boundary marker in various Christian communities.
I did not mean to imply that beliefs and practices pertaining to sexuality should not be identity markers for the church. The question is, Do we have such a distinctive set of beliefs and practices? On what basis?
As a whole, we have failed to integrate our teaching of sex into the larger Christian narrative. In general we have created an ethic for sexually hyper adolescents: keep it zipped until you get married–hopefully by age 23. Often we have used sex to sell abstinence: keep it zipped so that you can have great sex once you’re married.
Then people show up on their wedding day and hear a preacher tell them that marriage isn’t about self-fulfillment, but (preaching from Eph 5, no doubt) a lifetime of laying down our lives so that the other might live.
Is there a sexual ethic that articulates and embodies the Jesus story, reflecting the reality of our union with Christ that most Christians can agree on?
(2) What About the Psychological, Emotional, Spiritual Harm?
The church’s traditional position on same-sex relationships destroys people. As long as people in the church compare homosexuality with “other sins,” we show that we don’t have a clue what we’re talking about.
When we put these desires in the category of “sinful” (which the traditional position has to do–our hearts and our actions are not neatly cordoned off), we are telling people that an entire, pervasive, holistic thrust of their life is displeasing to God.
A therapist helped me with this. When we have things we are ashamed of, or that people make us feel ashamed of, we learn very quickly to hide them behind our backs. We offer the other stuff to people, hoping they’ll be satisfied and that the shame can stay behind.
Now do that with the things you feel as you walk down the street, watch TV, have a conversation, interact with a group of people, imagine your future while you’re sitting alone, listening to a sermon, watching strangers straggle into freshman orientation.
The church is not entirely to blame for the following, but we have to deal with it: lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their peers. That would be 400%. When they try, they do it with greater intentionality, being 4-6x more likely to need medical treatment after a suicide attempt.
That’s just a window. It’s a window into the fact that we have managed to communicate to LGBTQ youth, as a society, is that they are worthless.
Has the church reckoned with this? And does it want to continue the trend or be an agent in its transformation?
(3) What About the Physical Harm?
I confess, I almost dropped this question from my three after I did a little bit of research on the question for this blog post. But it is a question that surfaces from time to time, and I think it needs to be asked.
There is some concern about the physical ramifications of participating in anal intercourse, especially over an extended period of time. While this is some concern for heterosexual couples who engage in the activity, it is a huge concern for gay men.
In terms of spreading STIs, anal sex is a clear perpetrator.
Less clear to me is the potential long-term physical effects of anal intercourse. I have seen some suggestions that rectal cancer becomes a greater concern–though predominantly because of the spread of the HPV virus.
In other words, the primary physical problems are akin to those associated with heterosexual sex outside of a lifelong relationship with one partner, though the likelihood of transmission is higher because the anus lacks natural lubrication and other protections.
I have also heard hints and rumors about other long-term physical effects, such as ultimate loss of sphincter control. However, this has been a minor line, mostly absent, in the medical advice I’ve seen about the issue.
Are there other long-term health effects? How significant are the possible side effects?
I think it’s a fair question that needs clearer answers on two fronts: (1) what is the data? and (2) how should this shape our thinking?
Those are my three questions.
I wonder: if you are a progressive Christian in the area of sexuality, do you have a bead on a good answer to the “distinctive sexual ethic” question?
If you are a traditionalist Christian in the area of sexuality, do you have a response to the “psychological harm” question?
And what do you make of the physical harm question?
I’d love some good conversation about this in the comments!
Featured image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net